it's like you're screaming, but no one can hear ...

Remember when?

remember when A,B,C's was as easy as 1,2,3

when together meant you and me?

When elementy school was our playground?

Remember when we would make adventures till we found them?

When tricking mom was a game instead of a hobby?

When we both found out we were black?

When crying meant you you were laughing so hard, and not that you forgot to laugh?

Remember when having each others back really meant " im there for you?"

When life made sense?

When we were little?

Remember when you lied that you were ok?

when we found out you had a problem?

when we couldn't find a cure?

when i blamed myself?

i remember the pills,

the lies,

the screams,

the cries,

the look on your face,

when you said "i don't belong in this place"

and that random little place, you would always trace

Remember how that made mom cry?

how they couldn't let you go, but had to?

how i thought life would be better with out you, but i lied too.

do you remember? Because i feel my self, forgetting....

shake the dust

This is for the pillow screamers,

the cutters,

the dreamers.

This is for the private criers,

the unbelievers,

the leavers.

This is for the fighters,

the moms who never give up on there children

cuz they saw so much more.

The dads who try so hard,

but when Christmas come around,

they don't even get a card....

shake the dust

This is for the friendless,

the ones with disappearing potential,

the broken hearted.

This is for the song singers.

giving there heart and soul,

to another.

shake the dust

This is for the runners,

the shunners,

this is for you, so shake the dust.

This is for the punked & the ones who punk them,

This is for the strong,

the God believers,

the holy keepers.

This is for those step kids,

who lost there best friend.

The step parents who don't even have a prayer.

shake the dust

This is for my sister,

the sister who lost it all.

who looked at me for protection but i ran.

The sister who sits alone in a room full of no one.

shake the dust

and when it gets dirty. shake that dang thing again!

Hey Gandhi are you up there???

shh listen,

do you here it?

do you hear my screams?

do you hear me shout my dreams?

through that closed door you call a home.

out side the gate is where i Rome.

i keep forgetting to tell you i need help.

but you keep forgetting to care about other people

then just your self.

i blame you for the way i am...

but is it really your fault i came closed up like a clam?

when will we own ourselves completely?

maybe when i let go of the fight in me...

so Gandi are you really up there?

because people everywhere are giving up with out a care.

is this really what you wanted when you said,

world peace!

because i don't think this war will ever cease.

but tonight is not the last time I'll see the light.

cuz i know i will fight for whats right.

I can

I can move on without a care. To show you I'm not meant to be there. I can see you for what you really are. A monster from afar. I can be all you want me to be. but can you really handle the real me? So far it looks like you have chosen to pick up the trash,ha whatever i will wave at you while i pass. I can hang out with the same friends and yet feel nothing. But then I'm still missing something. I can laugh. I can scream. I can cry. I can sing. But at least i can still be me. I can find someone new. But no one quite like you. But are you really the one for me? I'm not about to sit here and see. I can run from this repetitive place. Without even leaving a trace. But my daddy taught me better. I don't give up when I'm down. I smile when i should frown. So i will run in your race, but at my own pace. Don't play "the game" with me. Because my door has no key. So when your words push down, making me look like a freaking clown. I'll just laugh, and look at you through my red eye. But you wont see a cry. And whisper, to your stupid blank stare.

I.DONT.CARE.

Jealous

The poem still I rise by Maya Angelou

This one makes me want to become a better writer! Not just because i feel powerful when i read it. But because I can see Her when I read it. Her words almost come to life when there flowing Through my head. They give me hope for the day and confidence for tomorrow. Its like she does not care what people think of her or how they see her. Because when the haters are pullin her down, she still will rise.

"you may shoot me with your words,

You may cut me with your eyes,

You may kill me with your hatefullness,

But still, Like air, I'll rise"

Complaints

I'm tired of living here. I'm tired of thinking about you. I'm tired of my memory's. I'm tired of seeing you in the back of my head every time i try to be happy. I'm tired of wanting you back. I'm tired of feeling this way. I'm tired of faking that I'm o.k. I'm tired of holding myself back because I'm scared to let people in. I'm tired of all the fights. I'm tired of the choices. I'm tired of your mistakes. I'm tired of seeing that dream that will never come true. I'm tired of the new me. I'm tired of all the pressure. I'm tired of being lazy. I'm tired of my worthless friends. I'm tired of drama. I'm tired of trying to find a new thing in my life to make me happy. I'm tired of thinking i need a new thing in my life to make me happy, when i don't. I'm tired of feeling empty. I'm tired of my house. I'm tired of work. I'm tired of seeing the same old people every day. Really I'm fine, I'm just tired.....

Love is....

Love is a roller coaster. You will always have ups and downs. Some parts of life is more exciting then other parts. Love is a sun set. Beautiful, and it always comes back around. It shines into your heart letting you feel its warmth. Love is you and me. We make life go the way we want it too. love is a game with no rules. Sometimes you get played by those who know how to play the game. Love is more then just learning how to let go, its about letting in change. Giving chance a try. Letting hope back into your life. Love is not starting over, but learning from your mistakes. Love is knowing you will mess up but having the courage to try again. Love is that voice that says don't give in. Love is not always pretty. But nobody said it was easy

Hard

You want to know what's hard? Life is freakin hard. Its hard to know you were made for so much more but your being treated like your so much less. Its hard to love someone who does not love you back. To see them wish about some other girl when you're standing right there wishing you were that other girl. Its hard to think about how my life could have been and having to live it by how it should have been. Its hard making that someday a today. Its hard living up to something you're not. Its dang hard letting go of something that used to make you so happy. Its hard being what your not. Its hard forgetting the past. Its hard listening to my parents talk about their day like i should be proud to live in mine ...when i don't. It sucks.

boulevard of broken dreams

I walk alone. I walk alone. Hopes and dreams at sight but yet i walk alone. So close to me but my shadow is the the only one I know. So why Go? What do I really know? Oh yea, I walk alone. My window watches my sigh but my floor catches my cry. Unforgiving feelings dance above the tile. Making me feel as if I'm walking alone. Songs don't sing anymore just taunts my thoughts. Wishes don't seem like reality. Is this really me? Am i the one walking alone? Every step i take, every breath i take, whispers "you walk alone." Wind skates through my hair. Picking up the dust around me. Shielding me from what you really see. Pushing me to walk alone. My thrown has defeated me. My kingdom fleeted from me. Oh wait, I walk alone, I walk alone.

Im thinking about you

I'm thinking about you like crazy thinks about glue. Like my foot thinks about a shoe, like a lawyers thinks about sue. I'm thinking about you like a needle thinks about a vain, like walls think about being knocked down, like pleasure thinks about pain, like hearts think about mending. I'm thinking about you like slaves think about freedom, like kids think about freedom, like Frisbees think about flying. I'm thinking about you like athletes think about foot. When I'm done thinking about you I wish I was thinking about you.

Direst Orders

Rock out like its your birthday, like tomorrow is a new day. Rock out like no ones watching. Rock out like when you find out every things going to be OK, like your going to make it, like he will give you another chance. Rock out like you've won, like you don't care what others think about you, like your free. Rock out like no ones watching. Rock out like you know something no one else does and your not about to tell them now. Rock out like your family is whole again, Like the tears stopped falling, Like the fighting stopped. Rock out like your best friends are rocking out with you, like this feeling will never leave, like you could live forever in this moment. Rock out like your dreaming. Rock out like you've just met "the one", like you know hes all yours. Rock out like your too school for cool. Rock out like you've just gone black and your NEVER going back!

Intro

Well, I will kind of explain the name. Everyone is searching for the that unknown thing in their life that brings mystery. The feeling you get when you feel the wonder in your soul, wanting to know when I will reach my light at the end of the tunnel. All my life People have been seeing the outside me and not the inside me. People would never know that im a total book bug or that im in love with poems the speak or that i love looking at art. They don't see me because they are not really looking. Just like how people don't see the small things in life. The wonder in a child's eyes when he sees his dad. The leaves falling from the orange tree. The little wonders.....making the unknown, known